actually, I'm a sock model
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
