so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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