Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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