ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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