You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
