he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
