so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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