Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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