i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
