one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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