ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
