Don't you send me to vm
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
