I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
