Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
