why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
