obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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