I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
