he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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