I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
