One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
