i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
