I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
