Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
