Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
