week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
