My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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