I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
