Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
