Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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