i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
