adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
