Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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