There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
