Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
