The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
