I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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