You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
