Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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