If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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