walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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