There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
