I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
