I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
