ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
