she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
