Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
