My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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