i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
