The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
