Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
