He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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