my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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