he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
