Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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