Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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