I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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