My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
