so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
