Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
